One thing I could never handle

I don't think anyone gets over the loss of a child. In fact I am not even sure its something that a mother would want to "get over". However, those women who are able to still live their lives after something so horrifying, are truly amazing and have so much faith in God. I will say I have faith in God and according to my husband I have a lot. But I am not sure that I have the faith to believe everything would eventually be okay.
I dont think God even expects us to get over it, but I do believe he wants us to live and love him. I think that maybe if we trust him then we can at least smile again. I have no clue what I would do without my daughter and I pray that I never have to go through that. But I "know" two people who have and one made it out okay and the other will make it through. The first was Mary - she had to endure the death and suffering of her child, but she knew she would see him again. THe second is the most amazing person I have never met. Her child had this terrible desease that caused him so much pain and suffering and now he has gone to be with Jesus. SHe knows she will see him again. I pray that she receives the comfort she needs, because this woman has the faith and strength I have never seen. Her little Tripp will always be with her loving her her whole life until they meet again to play in heaven. He will be waiting and preparing for the day they can reunite.

My LSU TIGERETTE

October 1, 2011 was a good day not just because I didn't have to work on the saturday of a home game, but also because we were going tailgating with Erich's parents. I was so excited to dress Emily up in an LSU cheerleader uniform and introduce her to LSU football. Well we were just about to leave to head back to the car before the game started, when a older woman walked up to Erich and asked him if we were going to the game. He told her no and we didn't have tickets. She said well do you want my 4 and we told her we didn't have any money and she says; "No, I am trying to get rid of them. I will give them to you for free." Then I jump in the conversation and say "Sure!" SO we go through the gate and had no idea where we were about to sit. It turns out we were in section 405 which is the South Stadium en-zone, and 15 rows from the bottom, smack dab in the middle with bleacher seats that have the backs. It was amazing!
But the most amazing part of it was how Emily reacted to the whole event. She sat in her seat and watched the game. She clapped for LSU and was completely glued to the field during halftime. It was so nice to have a fun family outing. Of course, it would just not be Emily if she didn't wave at everyone and play with the lady behind us.
The day was  beautiful and not to hot, Emily was in a great mood and did not get sun burned, and she was completely worn out by the end. She fell right to sleep. It was so nice to do something fun and have things go so smoothly. The best part was...... IT WAS FREE!

NO & UH OH

I feel like my last few entries have been really depressing, so I need to write on the lighter side.
Emily is one person who will always brighten my day. She is walking now and talking a little bit. She is very aware of everything you say and understands without fault.
The only thing is this smart adorable and sassy little thing loves to say NO and UH OH... we go all day with her throwing things on the floor or rolling her ball under furniture just so she can say UH OH. Well I am trying my hardest not to let her see me laugh, but her daddy is not amused, he gets so frustrated when she throws things on the floor so she can say this simple phrase that it makes me laugh even more. (Just so we are clear I do correct her when she throws food or tries to go after things she can not have, this is only in regards to her toys or things we let her play with) Granted it is not good that she runs away from us when we want to change her diaper, but if you can picture this petite little thing turning her back to you yelling NO and twisting her butt as she scurries off. This is why I have such a hard time getting angry, she is not trying to be mean, she is just being a prissy little toddler.
In daycare, the teachers are doing lessons with them and she is bringing home pictures with scribbles on them. She learned the colors Red and Blue, she learned the Letter A and she learned apple. I of course think she is the most fabulous artist known to man and that she will aspire to genius. What mother doesn't think that of their child? But sunday daddy, mommy, emily, and ma mere were at Olive Garden. Emily is jabbering non stop and coloring her picture when daddy asks her. Emily are you going to be an artist, she says no. Then he asks her if she is going to be a dancer and there is no response, he also asks her if she is going to be an astronaut and she glares at him. Then he asks are you going to be a lawyer, she looks up at him smiles big and nods her head yes!We all died at this point. She was to funny and b/c of our laughter she laughed and clapped for herself. My precious baby girl is miss personality plus. We can say she gets it from mommy, cause you know its true.

Buried In My Heart

We met when I was 8 and I took her home to love. With my mom and dad, she became apart of our family. She alerted us of every possible sound in the neighborhood. And ran and jumped high for her ball. She stayed by my side when I wanted to be alone and outside my house. She even helped me open gates and played tag. She waited excitedly at the door after her walks for a treat from mom. And brought her ball to dad when he got home. She loves being brushed and hates sharing my attention. She met many of my friends and boyfriends over the years. She saw me grow up, have a baby and marry my high school sweetheart that I didn't even know for half her life.
Now at 13 God decided that she needs a new home. Even though she is in so much pain, she never cries. She never cried as a puppy. Like other close and very special family members she has cancer that will take her from her family. I never really believed in a heaven for dogs. And I am not sure that I do now, But to think that she could ever be gone is the hardest to accept. In her last weeks she will be comfortable. We will not let her suffer. She gave us her heart and she will live forever in ours. I love you Friskey and I will promise to keep you happy and comfy until your last breath.

A Child Needs a Home

I read blogs about amazing people who give their lives to taking care of babies who have horrible diseases. I read about the slim chance that their children have of making it to their next birthday. When I read about these people, I see how much God has done in the world. He blessed these children with unselfish parents to care for them, and he gave the parents the beautiful gift of seeing miracles every day in their ill children. I wish I had the faith and selflessness to choose to care for a child with a terminal illness because their own family refuses. I wish I had the strength to even give a child who had a disability a home, but the truth is I am way to selfish.
I have not done enough to even support charities who fund places and families. I fuss constantly about the time I dont have to do homework, work more hours, cook dinner, play with my little girl, or spend time with my husband. THen I think, well then what the heck am I spending all my time doing?
What am I doing that is so important that it takes so much time away from my life? The truth is I may have a busy schedule, but I also complain about having to change a dirty diaper, constantly hold or entertain my own child when I am home.
These are all reasons why I am selfish. I know no one really reads my blog. Its not that fancy and I dont really have a lot of interesting things to say. But I would like to point out that there are so many children who need our love and care. Even if we can't adopt a child we can volunteer our time.
I want to make a personal goal to stop complaining about the time I dont have to spend on things and enjoy to extra time I have to dedicate to helping children who need special attention and love. God knows it will not be easy. Especially for a complainer like me, but maybe through prayer and effort I can help make their little world more comfortable.

Praying for the baby I dont know

When I look at my beautiful family, I can see the blessings God has bestowed upon me. He gives me what I can handle and opportunities that are better then what I could plan for my self. I know it may be hard to follow right now, but for the past year I have been following this blog about an amazing baby boy and his mother. The baby's name is Tripp Roth, he has EB, which is a rare desease that causes babies not to live to their first birthday. His mother Courtney Roth has the strongest faith, her son is over two years old and she has trusted God through everything.
The reason I am telling you this is because I want you to remember them in your prayers, before you go to bed, when you wake up in the morning, or before meals, whenever you pray. This beautiful baby boy has really touched my heart and I want this baby boy and his mother to have every opportunity in the world for God's will to be done. It is really hard on the family now because Tripp is pretty bad off. If you want more information about Tripp and his amazing mother go to the blog "EBing a mommy." WHen I look at them it makes me want to grab my baby girl in my arms and hold her so tight, and protect her from everything bad in the world. I can't thank God enough.
When I was prregnant I was worried about my child having a mental disorder, or some kind of handicap.  Looking back I feel so selfish for those worries, because I never thought of how it would impact her life, just mine. I am thankful for her health, because I can not imagine seeing her go through something as terrible as what Tripp has to go through.

The new room

We moved into our new apartment this past weekend. It is great and big, its two stories with two huge bedrooms. The days moving in were hectic and long and hotttttttttt. When we finally got Emily home I was so excited for her to see her new room. I worked so hard to get it organized and very appealing for a baby to love to play. Well can I tell you the hard work paid off. She crawled over to her new toy tub of toys found her favorite winnie the pooh stuffed animal and squealed so loud full of excitement. Then she ran to her book shelf and pulled out her books and then she saw it, the most amazing toys ever, the greatest thing she has ever received. She totally went wild and laughed so hard when she grabbed hold of her three little pigs toy set. She brought the wolf or a pig with her all around her room and crawled into the closet and laughed and laughed. Who knew closets could be so funny.