burned out

While one grows up they are often encouraged to go to college and pursue an awesome career. Well this is very difficult. Especially when the natural order of things goes off corse. Even though having a wonderful healthy happy baby is amazing; you tend to teeter between regret for not being there enough and regret from not spending enough time on school work.
I hate it when I am away from my baby, but when I have to do homework i can not seem to get away fast enough. I love being around her and being involved in every part of her life and be able to witness every milestone. Unfortunately I can't. I have to work and go to school and study. I am not saying all this to complain. I am trying to get my point across stating there is a reason parents instill the natural order of events.
you go to school, go to college, get married/get a job, then have babies. God did not just put this in place to teach us patience and good morals, there was a reason behind it. It was to allow us to be able to enjoy our whole family, not deal with the stresses of being unmarried and in school  and having a job. Having to go through everything at once is overwhelming at times and causes you to sacrifice your time with your little one and your significant other.

The happiest person in the World

Every morning I have the pleasure of waking up to a beautiful baby smile. SHe wakes up every morning with this wonderful outlook on life. "I have nothing to fear because mommy is here with me and will take care of me, then I get to go to daycare and play with my friends." She has nothing to stress over. SHe knows she will be fed, comforted and entertained. SHe has nothing to worry over, nothing to bring her entire day down.
If we woke up in the morning with this same general outlook, we would be never have a horrible day, just unfortunate moments. If we wake up thinking today will be great because my basic needs will be met and I will encounter different people along the way. We can't do anything about people hurting our feelings or if we obtain an illness, but we can control our reactions and our thought process.
A baby will get hurt or hungry and cry but then it gest better and they soon forget what happened to make them sad in the first place. I am also not saying my daughter is without a doubt the happiest person to ever exist, but she only knows her thoughts and at this point in her life, as in any baby's life, she is the happiest baby in the world.

Dropping off Daycare

Today, when my little one woke up she was in the best mood. She was laughing and playing to entertain herself. She decided to grab a huge stack of papers off of the coffee table and spread them all over the floor. I had to laugh because she doesn't even crawl yet and yet she manages to get into everything. 

When I brought her to daycare this morning I put her on the floor to play with another baby girl. The other baby was sitting in a bumpy and Emily went straight for her toes. Then the other baby began to jabber to my little one and she looked at the other baby girl, waved and said bye bye. 

Then they began to dance to the music and shake their rattles to the beat. It was so cute, I didn't want to leave. It is days like today, when the weather is beautiful and my baby is happy and ready to play that I just want to stay home and play with her, and take walks outside. 

My few minutes of joy

I love spending time with my little girl. She brings so much joy into my life. I love reading her bedtime stories and then snuggling with her before bed.
Last night I had so much homework and it makes it very difficult to be a good mom. I often wonder if I made the right decision to go back to school, but then I think about how things will be better once I am done for school and can help my future husband support our family. Therefore, it was a real treat to have the opportunity to cuddle with my baby in the bed until she fell asleep.
Even though I have to spend a lot of time at school, work, and on homework; I still get a few minutes in the evening to give to my daughter. Yes, I know it is simple and may not seem like a lot to you but it means everything to me.